The "F" Word.

FAT.

That word is just horrible. It's degrading in every way, and there is no way that you can make this word positive when speaking to a person.

If you don't already know, I am losing weight and took a new road in my life into the fitness world. Going head strong and doing big things with it.

I talk about fitness all the time, maybe I annoy you, but I feel it is super important for everyone to know and hear. I know strangers see me as I am and nothing more. They don't know that I do one of the hardest work outs every day, they don't know that I work for Beach Body, and they apparently don't understand that people have feelings.

Now, I don't think I am "fat" by any means. I like to call it "uncomfortable." Regardless, I take what I got and wear it wisely. I do not wear skin tight clothes, I try to to wear flattering items, and I don't wear clothes too small for me.

Now let me take you to work on Saturday night. I work at Spencer's, as I have stated before. This store brings out the best in people.. (oh i kid, i kid) well, since it is Halloween, and we have masks in our store, the fellow employees and myself like to scare people at the door. It's just a fun tactic to do in holiday spirit. 

So we were talking to a group of kids who were freaked out and then tried to out smart us. (Doesn't work) As they were trying to stare us down, one kid pointed at me and said to another "that looks like your mother" (Note: I had the Jigsaw mask on from Saw)

Ha Ha, you're funny! I slightly laughed because I knew what he meant until, he decided to run away whilst saying "fat like her too." Okay, awesome.

Felt like crying, could hide it because of the mask, but I didn't. I wanted to tell someone, I wanted someone to make me feel better. I was down, I won't lie. I sulked a little for the rest of the night, and I am still thinking about it now. 

I know these are teenagers and don't care or matter to me, but why fat.

I went home, worked out some and was happy with myself. It pushes me to work harder because I no longer want to be the "fat" one, I want to be the healthy good looking one.

Make sense. 

Good.

At the end of the day I will continue to push my self daily to sweat worst than a man, and tone more than you. I have to prove this to so many people.

There are countless people in my life that subconsciously judge me by my weight and think I do not realize, there are people who want to see me fail, there are people who I want to impress. For once, I want to walk into a room of family and have them say, "Kendra, you look great" and not because of what I am wearing, but because of the weight I am losing.

It hurts knowing I have lost 17 pounds and no one but myself and the scale know.

I mean sure, I have told my friends, but can they tell, they haven't said anything. SO my goal is visual difference.

I don't care what the measurements or scale says, I care what a persons eyes say.

I want people to feel this satisfaction too.

I feel happier knowing I've lost weight, but I want the other happiness too.

Till next time..

ox